That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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