I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize