you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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