I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
