If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
