If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
