There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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