If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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