Hey man sorry I got all grabby
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
