I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
