Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
