so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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