so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
