They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
