I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
