maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
