There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize