Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's blow job season.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
