yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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