Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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