My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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