i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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