No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
