I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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