if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
