Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
