I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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