yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
