I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
