The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
