my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
