so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
