I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
