He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
