he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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