How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
