i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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