she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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