Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
