she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
