o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
