Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Boobs are out for the taking
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
