He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
