I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
