If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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