I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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