note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
