Kiss
Puke
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
