We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
