I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
