Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Randomize
