why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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