i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
