five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
