He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
