I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
