Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
