They should really pass out barf bags in church
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
