I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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