He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
