Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
