OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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