i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
