what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
